Columnist tells reader to stop emailing ex

Abigail Van Buren advised a reader to stop reaching out to a former romantic partner who had requested no contact, according to a column published on November 5. The columnist, writing under the name Dear Abby, addressed a letter from a man who described a relationship that began when he was in high school.

The reader, who signed the letter as Another Dumb Male, stated that he met the woman 52 years ago. He said they dated for two years after high school graduation. He claimed she seemed like a soulmate at the time. He explained that he ended the relationship without explanation, telling her he had met someone else. He married that new partner within a year.

The reader noted that 20 years passed before he attempted to reestablish contact. He said he reached out a few times to wish her happy birthday and check in on her well-being. He reported receiving a certified letter in response. The letter instructed him to have no contact with her, warning that attorneys would become involved if he did not comply. He described the subsequent 30 years as a period of silence between them.

The reader asked if it was right to send a letter now to apologize. He wanted to express regret for leading her on, being insensitive, and acting foolishly for more than half a century. He asked for the columnist's opinion on whether the apology was justified.

Van Buren responded by asking what part of no contact the reader did not understand. She stated that the woman wanted nothing to do with him. She characterized the reader's original breakup as breaking her heart. Van Buren argued that no amount of profuse or sincere apology would result in forgiveness. She concluded that the letter would benefit the reader, not the woman. She urged him to stop being selfish and let the emotional trauma remain in the past.

In the same column, the writer addressed a second letter from a reader identified as Private Property. This reader described an 8-foot privacy fence surrounding their backyard, with a small path hidden from the street. The reader said two young women entered the yard while the homeowner was grilling. One woman introduced herself as a European college student selling magazines. The reader asked if backyards are considered private everywhere.

Van Buren confirmed that the backyard is sacrosanct in both the United States and Europe. She called the women's actions foolish, rude, illegal, and potentially dangerous. She stated that the women were playing dumb because they were caught and that their story was pure malarkey.